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Trying to balance yourself between who you want to be and your current/previous mental condition is one of the most draining tasks possible. However, in times of weakness you need to remember that although you are not who you yet want to be at least you are no longer who you use to be! every second every breath is a small step forward and yes in the moment it may not seem like that but over time you'll look back and see the all of the progress you made. You have made it this far please keep going you are stronger than your condition!
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